Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
