Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
