the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
did i walk over a car last night?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
