I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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