I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
