basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
