you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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