I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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