But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
