So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
