It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
