please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
