"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
