Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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