I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
