Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
