i think i have two assholes
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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