why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
