It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
