wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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