im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
