I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
