I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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