If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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