No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
