I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
