Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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