I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
