I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
