Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
