Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
