i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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