??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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