How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
