Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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