He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
