I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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