The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
