The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
