apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
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