we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
