Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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