Who wears a wallet chain?!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
