Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
