So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
