This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
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