Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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