good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
How external is "for external use only"?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
