Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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