She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
