Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
