Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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